Thursday, March 4, 2010


As a Life & Wellness Coach, a licensed Marriage Family Therapist and Communication college instructor, I launched into writing this book after listening to students, watching reality shows on TV, counseling numerous couples in discord after an affair has taken place, reading articles and doing research which all suggested that revolutionary developments in what being married or even committed means today or would mean in the future.

With newspapers and and paparazzi type television shows and tabloid fodder all reporting on the grievous behavior of many of our top leaders and political representatives, day after day, and knowing that affairs have happened throughout history - not just to notables , but couples on every socio-economic level, in the United States, and every other country, writing about this topic seemed logical.

I began to wonder not just about the person betrayed, but the person who decided to have an affair. I wondered about the biological drives and differences in the way men and women see extra-marital sex. I considered the "friends with benefits" status so familiar to young adults today and how that might play out in future marriages- or if marriage would ever even occur.

This book is not just a primer for people thinking of getting married, after all when one is on a high about the prospect of being in love and planning a marriage- they are not usually considering infidelity, but it is also for those already married , or who are having an affair now, or going through the consequences of having been discovered. Couples, partners, teachers, clergy, psychotherapists, nurses, doctors and curous individuals will all benefit from the discoveries and information of interest within this book.

A variety of scenarios are presented to illustrate situations and events, thoughts and feelings surrounding this human behavior and decision making that occurs at various points. The reader may identify or be interested in similarities to thier own life or that of someone they know. Ultimately awareness and insight brings about ideas and decisions along with practical suggestions for those who wander through these pages.

A few startling statistics to set you thinking:

It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage ( Buss and Shackelford).

Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity. And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers.

Some cultures have adopted extreme measures to combat infidelity: female circumcision, allowing only limited contact between the sexes, and death as a punishment. Many other cultures however, view infidelity as more of a nuance, not a serious marital problem.

And this is just the beginning....

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